Rules of Engagement in A Large Family

1. You do not puke on your siblings (concessions made for top bunk bed inhabitant).

2. It is not acceptable to wait outside the bathroom when you’re sibling is on the toilet doing a #2. Go be desperate elsewhere.

3. No matter how much your sister piss you off, do not rub her toothbrush on the bar of soap. Be savvy, do it to everyone’s and that way you can’t be accused of being prejudiced.

4. Don’t lie on the bed not made for you. This is the rule I inherited from my Father. I suspect he was more privy to my decadent uni misadventures than I gave him credit for.

5. Do not wear your siblings’ pants. Even if they were misplaced in your wardrobe. All is fair in love and war, but people tend to be quite fussy about their panties.

6. Hair removing cream is yet to be classed as controlled substance. Until then, exercise restraint and do not smear it all over on your sibling’s pillow.

7. You must not steal the crispy fried chicken skin from off your sibling’s plate. Even NATO hasn’t got skilled enough negotiators to prevent the warfare that will ensue from this.

8. The cats ARE NOT acceptable collateral damage. Or to be used as emotional blackmail.

9. Bribery, in the form of offering to do the other sibling’s chores, is an acceptable and safe pacifist option. Punching is not. Especially if you don’t know NOT to tuck your thumb in your fist. One child needing an A&E trip is doable. Two will mean a taxi ride.

10. “Because I said so.” is gospel. And, it is MY gospel. Any spoglette found coining it will be on bottle washing duty for a month.