Textual Proof of How Misguided Some Mothers Can Be
Discovered from the deep depth of an iPhone Messages folder. I could wade in there, making judgements but seeing that it was my iPhone…..
Daughter: Do you need chicken saved for you?
Mother: That was random
Daughter: Sorry, we is hungryyy
Mother: No worries. If you need buy a Chinese.
Mother: Not man, but dish.
Daughter: You what?
Daughter: Ohhhh……Why would I want a Chinese man…..
Mother: Unless it is Brandon Lee
Mother: Google him
Mother: Brandon Lee in the crow
Daughter: Watching glee, no can do
Mother: Brandon led
Mother: Like bootylicious
Mother: You wouldn’t want to puke on Brandon lee
Mother: He’s Bruce Lee’s son
Daughter: I might do… Yu never know
Mother: He’s dead
Mother: Like his dad
Mother: It would be unfair
Mother: He cannae puke back
Daughter: Why are you getting in a tizz about a dead dude?
Mother: Cos he is beautiful
Daughter: Not anymore he’s not
Mother: He will always be beautiful
Daughter: *cough* he looks charming *cough*
Mother: That was from a film
Daughter: I’m sure it was….
Mother: Try this one
Mother: It’ll cure you of your ginger addiction
Daughter: I have no ginger addiction
Mother: Ok. Secret closet problem
Daughter: He was a one off
Mother: ******* would be ginger if he was shorter and skinnier
Mother: He’s diluted
Daughter: That doesn’t even work
Mother: Yes it does
Mother: But Brandon Lee was beautiful, or must agree
Daughter: Yes, he was
Mother: Ok, I’ll leave you in each now
Daughter: But I is enjoying this conversation
Mother: Above and beyond glee?
Daughter: Of course
Mother: Michael Pare is beautiful too. I don’t think he’s dead yet
Daughter: What do you have with the dead dead thing?
Mother: Need to prioritise
Mother: Uh huh
Mother: Beaten up boys.
Mother: Better than beaten up eggs
Daughter: Can I say nom or is that inappropriate considering I fell out of your hooch?
Mother: I wouldn’t need rice to eat him with
Mother: Nope. Share alike.
Daughter: xD xD xD xD
Mother: Just don’t google recent photos
Mother: Not good
Mother: Pancake facedness
Mother: Might be an acquired taste this next one
Mother: H is six foot four and I can vouch for his manhood
Mother: He has a small head
Mother: Would make pretty babies
Mother: Still alive
Daughter: Does ******* have a big head?
Mother: Err. Yes
Daughter: Big head
Daughter: ** had a small head…..I think
Daughter: I can’t remember
Mother: Just keep on going. Don’t stop at that thought.
Daughter: No… it was an average sized head
Mother: Just big hair
Daughter: That’s true
Mother: Anyway. John is packing up. With any luck the van will run and we will be home no problem.
Mother: Is baby behaving?
Daughter: No she turned into a fire breathing dragon and singed off what exists of her eyebrows.
Mother: Ooooo. Did you take photies?
Daughter: Nahh, I was on the toilet.
Mother: Number one or two?
Daughter: Not cool
Mother: I know. I’m your mother
Daughter: That’s wrong on so many levels
Mother: I know. You should have rescued your sister.
Daughter: she was a dragon, what was I supposed to do?
Mother: Couldn’t have been that big.
Daughter: Size isn’t everything
Mother: You’ll learn
Daughter: Major cringe….
Mother: So would you presented with (place arbitrary number here) inches
Daughter: ****** inches of what, may I ask?
Mother: You need to know these things.
Mother: some men would use that to get sympathy shags.
Mother: Do not fall for it.
Daughter: I don’t think you’ve imparted anything that was worth the amount of cringe I am going through right now
Mother: You’ll thank me later.
Daughter: For what?
Daughter: You haven’t really told me anything…..
Mother: Yes I have.
Mother: No big heads.
Mother: ****** is a diluted ginger
Mother: ** has a small head
Mother: An men will try anything to get a sympathy shag. Even the one with a small willy. They have no scruples.
Daughter: Ummm, I already knew all of this
Mother: What??? Even the bit about men with small willies will probably try to stick it up your jacksie?